This morning on the way to confession, God and I engaged in a little tête-à-tête regarding my present circumstances and the mission he assigned my husband and I eight years ago.
I spent eight years fighting him on this mission, overlooking the obvious solutions to the challenges I faced, because – as God pointed out to me – I wanted to wait until I measured up to the world’s vision of success: millions of dollars in the bank and millions of admiring fans. Instead, God commissioned me to do this work and then allowed me to become homeless with little to no money to show for all my efforts.
A Question That Haunted Me
At one point, when I told my mother about the ministry God called me to do, to teach people how to take the same business skills required to build a successful business and use them to engage in evangelization – she asked me a question that cut me to the core. “How is anyone to take your business training seriously when you don’t have money to show them?”
When I look back at the last eight years, I think that’s the real question I kept asking myself. What makes me qualified to do this work? Like our stuttering friend, Moses, I essentially told God, “You’ve got the wrong girl! Don’t you know I’m a walking financial disaster? Nobody’s going to take me seriously.”
And every failure I met in trying to get the ministry up and running only further entrenched me in that fear that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t credible enough. I hadn’t done enough. I hadn’t proven myself worthy.
Struggling to Value Myself Beyond the Money
I struggled to write this blog post. I struggled to admit to myself how much it hurts and how much of a failure I feel because I’ve ended up where I am.
Her question cuts me to the core because it reduces my accomplishments to rubble, and my worth along with it. In a society that values people by the money they make, few people see the person beyond their bottom line.
But then God shared with me why He allowed me to become homeless in the first place: He wants to use me to break people free of that mindset. To show them that they are worth far more than the money they make.
To take away their excuses and prove to them that no matter how bad the situation in which they find themselves, if they follow His instructions, He will equip them with everything needed to do what He’s assigned them to do.
Their worth is not measured in dollars and cents but in the blood of Christ which He shed for them to ransom them from captivity. Their value is not set by the monetary system but by Christ. And the same thing is true about me.
It’s Not About Me and How Good I Am
As I spoke with God, He pointed out to me my real problem: making myself and my circumstances the focal point of the ministry. He reminded me that the work He’s asked me to do isn’t about me and how good I am.
It’s about how great He is and how He can raise up the meek and the lowly regardless of their circumstances if they but place their trust in Him. It’s about reminding people that His power is not limited by our finances. He can turn our empty stone jugs into the best wine if we but do whatever He tells us to do.
That’s why He wants me to start it right where I am and not to be ashamed but to step out in faith and allow His perfection to cover my imperfections. He reminded me that those who turn to me for help will emulate my example. If I let money be the reason I didn’t do what He asked me to do, they’ll let the money be the reason they didn’t respond to Him either.
The Model of the Manger
Christ didn’t choose to enter the world in a fancy hotel or a palace, but in a manger. A messy, dingy, dusty, dirty impoverished manger where animals fed.
Nobody expected the King of Kings to be born there. Had His birth taken place in a palace or a fancy hotel instead, the messy, dingy, dusty, dirty and poverty-ridden shepherds would never have dared to approach Him. They would have been too intimidated by the polished appearance of perfection so far beyond their grasp.
My call is to minister to those Catholic families whom society has forgotten, neglected, and dismissed as worthless because of their empty bank accounts. To show them how to find the incredible wealth that God placed inside their heads and their hearts.
I’m to help them understand the irreplaceable value that they bring to the world whenever they open up their lives and allow the goodness of God’s work in their lives to be shared. Then, He can use them as a vessel of His love and His grace in the world.
Obedience, Not Perfection, Is Required
I don’t need to be perfect to do the work God asked me to do. I don’t need to have everything in order or to know everything. God will supply all of my needs. All I need to do in order to find success is to trust Him and obey. The rest is in His hands.
Eight years ago, in early May of 2016, I heard Christ telling me to come follow Him and He would make me a fisher of men. I felt, along with St. Peter, the frustration after all my hard work spent trying to catch my living failed.
However, unlike St. Peter, I refused to listen when Christ told me to cast my nets out into the deep. I simply kept grumbling and complaining that I’d worked hard and caught nothing. Today, I’m choosing to listen. I’m choosing to cast my net out into the other side of the boat and to trust that if I do as He tells me to do, the catch will be abundant.
Sound Familiar?
If this article sounds familiar, if you think you’re being called to do something by Christ but you’ve been allowing your bank account to be the thing that’s holding you back, I encourage you to place your trust in Him.
Sign up for our free course, Turning Problems into Prophets, and I’ll guide you through the skills you need to learn in order to engage in effective evangelization while learning the skills needed to build a successful business.
If, after you take the course, you feel you need more support or want to join a community of other individuals on the same journey, join our free Prophet Makers private online membership. We’ll work together to get you up and running, ready to play your part in bringing the love of Christ to humanity as you share the Good News.